Recommended reading: February 4th, 2019

I finally have an up-to-date Recommended Reading post for you! Today I’m sharing some great posts from the last month. I’ve been really blown away by a wide selection of excellent TCK-specific content, as well as some more general expat issues.

My Best Friend is a Mono-Cultural; Does that make me a traitor?
We All See this World a Little Differently
This is a really important piece of writing. In it a TCK points out a common blind spot among TCKs, and asks us to reconsider prejudices we may feel are justified. There is some faith-based reflection at the end of the piece but the core argument is applicable to all TCKs:
“…one of the things we (the TCK community) pride ourselves in is being tolerant and accepting of other cultures – except the culture of our passport, apparently…When I honestly consider my own experience, I realize I would never been able to learn the US culture without a “cultural guide”. This is where our arrogance and humility intersect – we need our mono-cultural friends initially, but so often we then discredit their value once we’ve outgrown the need for them. The conclusion I’ve come to is everyone has a place at the table. I don’t believe anyone should ever discredit another person’s experience. Everyone you meet has had some experiences that are different from yours and some experiences that are shared – and this is no different for the TCK and mono-cultural citizens.”

Searching for Identity, and How to Find It
Explore Life Story
Dr Rachel Cason talks about a common TCK experience – “having multiple cultural identities”. She explains beautifully the underlying experience of adapting to others’ expectations, and suggests the important practices of “attuning to self” and self-expression in order to have a more mindful presence and find an authentic semse of self. Really helpful read for young adult TCKs in particular (which I obviously appreciate, given my current project!)
“The difficulty often lies with the ‘adapting at will’ bit of our skill set. At whose will do we adapt our presenting identity?…it is the needs of others that determines who we seem to be, rather than our own sense of who we are or who we want to be. When our identity is ‘other-need’ driven, it can feel precarious, ephemeral, inauthentic. We often carry a sense of ‘if they only knew’ into our social relationships, leaving us feeling insecure about the attachments people have to us. We doubt our relationships, holding them lightly, suspecting that they only love ‘this bit’ of us that they can see.”

Third Culture Kids Develop Valuable Career Skills
Cartus
For me, the title of this post is a little misleading. The core of this piece is the beautiful description of a young cross-cultural kid struggling with identity because of how others react to her blended reality.
“These are just a few examples of questions I was bombarded with by those who were so desperate for me to ‘choose a side’. I was quizzed by classmates, strangers, teachers, and even family members, who just could not fathom that I felt equal kinship with both places. I sincerely doubt that they knew that their interrogations were contributing to a slowly developing complex; “Where do I belong?” To be surrounded by people and yet not feel a particular affinity with any of them can be very challenging. For this reason, it is vital that we begin to see TCKs as bridges between cultures, windows into other worlds with which we are unfamiliar.”

“I’m not breaking my kids” and other things expats would like to say
The Culture Blend
I’ve seen this post by Jerry Jones popping up all over the expat-internet, and for good reason! Jerry gives a message to all the people living “at home” who have friends and family living abroad, sharing things expats wished they knew – with the proviso that not everything applies to everyone! There is so much good stuff here, I really do recommend you go and read the whole piece.
“This new place and these new people haven’t REPLACED anything – or anyone. It’s a different thing altogether but I like it, and I’m learning what it’s like to be home and miss home at the same time. And maybe you should know. I’ve changed.”

My name is not Nishihara
The Korea Times
Thought-provoking piece by TCK Olivia Han. In it she recounts an unexpected experience which helped her identify with her Korean heritage in a way she hadn’t previously.
“Born in Hong Kong, ethnically Korean, I was a U.S. citizen attending a Canadian international school with mostly Cantonese-speaking kids until we moved to Seoul in 2009. Strangely, it was only after moving to Seoul that I felt like I was not truly Korean. It was only after meeting “real” Koreans that I realized my Korean was tinged with a Western accent. I also did not feel a “oneness” with Korea, whereas in the past I always did.”

Traveling While Black Can Be Downright Bizarre
Daily Beast
A really interesting piece, especially after previous Recommended Reading about experiences of racism abroad. I won’t try to summarise, but here are some quotes to whet your appetite:

“Traveling while black is often disorienting or downright bizarre: My skin always adds another—other—layer to the experience… Even when I stand apart, I search for connections and commonalities. I do what I’ve always done—survive amidst cultural chaos. The floundering black girl forced to reinvent herself in dozens of different climates and cultures now does so assuredly, hoping to position herself—a good citizen of a global community.”

Reverse Culture Shock. Repatriation. Re-entry. Returning Home.
FIGT
Lindy Chapman shares a round up of simple but solid advice on returning to your passport country after time living elsewhere. Lots of practical advice, and acknowledgement of the potential pitfalls of these moves. A lot of this covers similar ground to my Six Tips for a Good Transition, so I definitely agree with it!
“unlike the grace period often allowed to adjust to life and work in a new land, the employee and relocation spouse typically feel pressure (real or perceived) to immediately perform at full capacity. So it’s important to be prepared (knowledge is power!) and understand that repatriation typically ignites a rollercoaster of emotions. From the excitement to return home to family and friends–to a surprising mix of sadness, alienation, disorientation…and a much slower than ever imagined readjustment to life back home that can lead to loneliness, fear, depression, and anxiety if not anticipated.”

Free counselling offered to help returning Irish emigrants
The Irish Times
And finally, a quick note of this excellent service being providing to repats in Ireland! The article has a few stats from a survey of 400 recent repats, which (unsurprisingly) found that repatriation was more difficult than expected, with 20% saying it was a significant challenge.

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