Recommended reading – August 25, 2016

Here’s my latest selection of interesting articles about expat/TCK life. There’s been a lot of good reading around this month, but here are a few I’ve particularly enjoyed.

Brexit, Trump, and Explaining the Unexplainable: When It’s Exhausting to be an Expat
Wine and Cheese (Doodles)
I love this post! It’s funny, and real, but the author also taps into the deeper issue: expats are cultural ambassadors, and also end up translating their culture to outsiders. This means we have to understand it ourselves, requiring an objectivity that doesn’t come when you live in it. And then there are the times our own countries/cultures emabrrass us… just another joy of expat life!

Erasing Expat Ignorance, part 3 of 3
The Culture Blend
This is the final installment in an excellent series of posts about “expat ignorance”. All three posts are fantastics and the last one was just as impressive. Lots of good advice about to accept and correct our ignorance. Jerry makes a good distinction between “ignorance” and “stupidity” which I appreciate, along with good thoughts on humility, engagement and respect.

Don’t Ignore Your Passport Country
A Life Overseas
Good thoughts here about staying connected to the events of the countries we care about. When something happens that is deeply important to a country’s collective memory and experience – and I am not there to experience it with them – it leaves a gap, a space where I am disconnected. Living away means this is going to happen, but it’s worth being deliberate about maintaining some connection.

Staying Well
IMF Family Association Chronicles
Great post on the grief of staying – being the one who watches others leaves, over and over. Sometimes this isn’t acknowledged as a grief experiences, leading to “disenfranchised grief”. It’s always important to recognise that there are two sides to a separation – the one who leaves and the one who stays, and both experience something significant.

7 Tips For Surviving Life After Being An Expat
The Huffington Post
This post is a month old but I’m sharing it because I really related to it. I moved to my passport country 18 months ago and have found each of these “tips” accurate/helpful. In particular, reminding why I chose to leave where I was, and why I chose to move to where I am. Those reasons are a helpful reminder on the (inevitable) tough days. The other really good one is exploring – it makes a huge difference to my sense of connection to my new place when I take time to get to know it.

Mental Festival Brawl
Kriti K. Gupta
A sweet personal post that delves into another element of Third Culture “in between” experiences – local festivals. How do I celebrate the festivals of my family’s heirtage when I don’t live there? Do I continue celebrating the festivals of my adopted home after I leave? How much “buy in” am I supposed (or allowed) to have for each?

Bi-Cultural Couples Find Neutral Ground in Third Countries
The Wall Street Journal
Interesting article. The idea of “neutral ground” for bi-cultural families came up in my interviews of TCKs. A number of them said they found it easier to live in a “neutral” thrid culture, both with their family and as an adult. One reason given was that they were not in a cultural tug-of-war – defending one culture to another, or feeling that one part of them was more or less expressed than the other.

My mum asks, ‘Why do you keep leaving?’
The Irish Times
Lovely personal reflections on the balance of expat life – there are huge gains, but there are also things we miss out on. Each place we connect with has different attractions – and often different downsides.

Recommended reading: August 19, 2016

Welcome! Here are a few posts I’ve read recently which shed interesting light on the expat/TCK world…

Can you be homesick when you are homeless?
The wondering wandering woman
A peace corps volunteer and ATCK eloquently reflects on the elusive nature of “home” for a TCK, and what how homesickness works when you don’t have a clear sense of where “home” is. I was particularly touched by her expression of the place TCKs have in the Third Culture: “I cannot simply say, “I am from here and this is who and what I am” but when I meet someone who is also a Third Culture Kid, I can look at them and say “I am like you” and that is something remarkable enough in itself.

Global Nomad Parent Challenge #4: Fostering Resilience Part II of IV
4 Gingers On The Go
I couldn’t go past the latest from Anna, whom I linked to in my first recommended reading post. This post is about coping strategies. It includes fantastic practical advice for parents on how to help children develop healthy coping strategies. This is hugely important for developing resilience in children, especially for families on the move.

The Nomadic Child – Cheryl Achieng Okuthe
The Diaspora Baby
I only recently came across this beautiful post from July. In it guest author Cheryl’s reflects on growing up between transitions and cultures. She graciously holds both the difficulties of her upbringing and the advantages she gained from it – both valid, neither dismissed. Many of her words reflect those I’ve heard from dozens of TCKs – very much worth a read.

Heading Home
4 Kids, 20 Suitcases and a Beagle
I love this reflection on the many places that can be “home” at the one time. I appreciate the phrase Kirsty uses to describe this – her “geographical schizophrenia” – and that she recognises her kids have a different relationship to “home” than she does. As her daughter said, “Mum, home isn’t a place. It’s a feeling”.

When is it a diaspora?
Public Radio International
There are a lot of words related to international movement of people, and often there is confusion surrounding the different meanings of each. This is a great piece explaining the real meaning of “diaspora” and its historical significance.

Want more recommended reading? See previous posts:
Recommended reading, August 2
Recommended reading, August 9

 

Recommended reading: August 9, 2016

Last week I shared a few articles about TCKs and expat life which I’d found interesting. Here is my second instalment, with some more recent posts you might enjoy.

Life Abroad: The Hole in the Expat Bubble
Haps Magazine Korea
Lovely exploration about what an “expat bubble” is.  John discusses why expat bubbles form and ways they can help expatriates new and old. A really refreshing read, especially for expats who have been made to feel guilty for relying on a bubble at some point.

Multifacted Blackness
The Black Expat
Really great post about the author’s experience as an African TCK learning what “blackness” meant outside Africa. Lambert makes a particularly interesting point, that “the construct of blackness is best experienced when contrasted against the backdrop of the racial diversity of the rest of the world.” It is so important that we each listen to voices with different experiences to our own, and today I am thankful for this particular voice.

Six Disturbing Experiences When Going Back Home For A Holiday
Expatriate Connection
While there are a bunch of great insights here what really got me thinking is the idea that while we stay in touch with people long distance, we generally do so one-to-one, rather than in a group setting. I can see of several interesting implications of this – still thinking it through!

Too Many Transitions Can Traumatize Our Kids
Christianity Today
A personal reflection on the author’s experience of frequent childhood moves. Discusses the connection between childhood transition and anxiety, and includes some advice for parents to help soothe an anxious child through transition.

I didn’t want to be an expat
Life with Baby Kick

In this post blogger Laura explains how she didn’t want to move abroad, and the bad attitude she began her international life with. But there’s a happy ending! She made friends and came to love her expatriate life, enough that she is embarking on a new adventure.

Finally, here are two short posts reflecting on juggling multiple cultural connections. It’s always an honour to see into another person’s experience, and I appreciate both of these windows:
The thing about third culture kids – 3ck thoughts and things
Third Culture Kid – Christy Tungyan

Recommended reading: August 2, 2016

Every week I read articles about TCK and expatriate related topics, and often I think “I’d love to write about this!” but know I’ll never have time to get to all of them. So! I’ve put together a “recommended reading” post with short introductions to some articles I have appreciated lately. I plan to do this every week or so – and here is the first installment!

Third Culture Kids Parent Challenge #3: Mourning
4 Gingers on the Go
Lots of fantastic advice here for parents of TCKs! When you see a child is upset, about a move or another change, the natural reaction is to want to cheer them up – but this doesn’t help the child process the situation. In this great post Anna (a psychologist and parent of TCKs) gives clear practical suggestions for how to helpfully enter into a child’s grief.

Torn Between Two Countries 
California Globetrotter
A beautiful, emotionally honest piece about how the heart copes with being “torn between two countries”.  Lorelai lightly holds the seeming contradiction that is loving two places, realising that since both have a claim on her heart, she does not feel completely at home in either. She doesn’t come up with a neat solution, but sits in the tension that is so familiar to TCKs and expats all over the world.

“Crawl in a hole” and other great advice for new expats
The Culture Blend
Fabulous backhanded advice for how to get started in a new culture – for example “be ignorant” and “don’t be helpful”. A memorable post about embracing with humility the ignorance that comes with being new – and letting it become a guide rather than a liability.

10 Things I Learned From My First Year Teaching Abroad 
Frankie goes to Milano
While it’s great to get advice from “old-timers” (as above) it’s also important to listen to the voices of new expats, to hear their stories and learn from their experiences. This post is a lovely example of reflecting on living in a new culture and how it offers lessons worth learning.

The do’s and dont’s of cross-cultural parenting 
 Sassy Mama Dubai
A really helpful discussion of some of the practical realities of raising children as a cross-cultural couple. There is great advice even for parents who would consider themselves as coming from the same culture. I particularly appreciate the last tip: “Don’t expect the culture in which you live in, not to affect your parenting”.

Dealing with Expat Divorce
Diary of a Move
This is the fourth (and final) installment of an excellent series of posts about divorce in an expat context, including a long list of resources. (The posts are based on a presentation Katia Vlachos gave at FIGT 2016.) Living between countries and cultures adds all sorts of extra complexity to an already devastating situation, especially when children are involved. It is great to see this topic getting much needed attention. (Also see parts one, two and three on Huffington Post.)

The Balancing Act of MK Education
A Life Overseas
A good overview of education options for Christian missionary families, with pros and cons for each option. Amy then goes through a few general considerations, which boil down to: know your unique situation, be involved in your child’s education, and relax. She also points out the importance of effective support for children with learning differences.

17 Maps That Will Change The Way You Look At The World Forever 
Buzzfeed
Not strictly in the expat realm, but something I think many expats would find interesting! I love maps, and this post uses map overlays to explain how map projections warp the size and shape of countries at certain latitudes – something that fascinates me.

Want more recommended reading? Check out my next reading list!