Third Culture Kids

Parallel Lives: TCKs, Parents and the Culture Gap

/ Tanya Crossman / 1 Comment

I wrote a guest post for A Life Overseas called Parallel Lives: TCKs, Parents and the Culture Gap which is now up. In this piece I explain a little of why an expat child’s experience abroad is different to an adult’s. A TCK’s view of the world is deeply affected by their international experiences, giving them a different perspective to that of a parent who first went overseas as an adult. I go on to illustrate three areas in which the experiences of expat parents and their children are significantly different: Connection, Identity, and Choice.

Here’s a sneak peek for you:

Your TCK children will not have the same emotional connection to the people, places and activities of your country (and your childhood) that you do. Things that mean the world to you may not mean much to them. They may dislike your comfort foods, find your favourite sport boring, or be unmoved by things which bring you to tears. They may intellectually understand that these things are supposed to matter, but not feel a connection to them. If they fear disapproval, they may learn to “fake it”. Giving your TCKs space to feel differently, even if it is sad or disappointing to you, is vital to maintaining open communication and strong understanding between you.

Read the full post on A Life Overseas

Wondering what a TCK is? Find out here

An international Olympic experience

/ Tanya Crossman / 1 Comment

Eight years ago I was living just outside Beijing during the 2008 Olympics. I went into the city at least once a week so I had the fun experience of crossing checkpoints and showing my passport every single time I made the 1+ hour trip. Despite this, I loved being there during the Games, especially attending several Paralympic events. But the best part was the international atmosphere.

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Beijing 2008 – Olympic track and field in the “Bird’s Nest” stadium, and cheering for Australia in the Wheelchair Rugby

I had many friends from different countries and the Olympics was such a fun time to celebrate our different cultural identities and heritages together! I watched the opening ceremony on a big projector screen with probably a hundred other expats, about a 15 minute drive from the huge stadium itself. When things were slow we took turns singing our national anthems – so many interesting songs I’d never heard before! And strangely enough, one of the most exciting parts of the night was watching the teams march into the stadium. Most countries got a cheer, because there would be someone from that country or who had lived in that country or who had a close friend or family member from there or living there. It was a tangible display of the global interconnectedness we experienced as an expat community.

I know a lot of TCKs who love the Olympics because it is a chance to celebrate all the countries to which they feel an affinity. The countries they have lived in, the countries they have visited, the countries of which they are citizens and the countries their friends and loved ones are connected to. It is particularly special when countries which are smaller and generally rate less of a mention in international media get their moment in the spotlight.

I see the team from Guyana and think “I have friends from there!”
I see the team from Laos and think “my friend lives there!”
I see the team from Liberia and think “my friend grew up there!”
I see the team from Vanuatu and I think “I’ve spent time there!”

The beauty of the Third Culture is that it is made up of people from many different countries, cultures, languages, and backgrounds. The Olympics is a rare time when TCKs see something that looks like their world right there on the TV. Not only that, but it is seen and recognised by many people around them.

At its best (when we put corruption, organisational failures and our own cynicism aside) the Olympics brings together people from many countries and honours them all. For a few weeks every four years, the people of the Third Culture get to share their multi-country connections and celebrate people from different countries.

I hope you are enjoying the Olympics, no matter where you are, and no matter what team(s) you are cheering for!

Click here to read more posts about Third Culture Kids, transition, and expatriate experiences.

Living in between countries

/ Tanya Crossman / 4 Comments

An updated version of this post has been published on tanyacrossman.com

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Part of the Third Culture Kid experience is living “in between”. 62% of young TCKs I surveyed (those under age 30) said that feeling “in between” was a significant childhood experience. There are several ways in which TCKs live “in between”. In this post I will explore ways in which TCKs live in between countries.

This is easily understood on the surface. A TCK is a citizen of one country, but lives in another. (Or is a citizen of multiple countries, or has lived in multiple other countries.) The complexity comes in how the TCK feels about and relates to these countries – never being completely and comprehensively in any one of them.

Connected to the passport country
A TCK has a relationship with his passport country – he has a legal connection to the place which issues his passport. Often it is also the place where many family members and family friends live permanently. For many expat families the passport country is a “home base,” somewhere they frequently visit. Many TCKs also feel they “represent” their passport country while abroad – that people meeting TCKs overseas get an impression of their passport countries through them.

Connected to the host country
Many TCKs also feel that they “represent” their host countries while travelling. Sometimes people see them as the “expert” on that country (and language/culture) regardless of how immersed the TCK was – or wasn’t! In this situation a TCK may feel pressure to live up to these expectations. Other times people ignore or don’t recognise the TCK’s connection to the host country/culture. In this case, TCKs may feel pressure to promote the places they feel connected to.

In between countries
The reality is that most TCKs do not identify entirely with one country – they are influenced by, and attached to, multiple countries at once. The passport country may be where they are “from” and yet they may have spent far more time outside it than inside it. 58% of the 744 TCKs I surveyed for Misunderstood spent more than half their childhood years outside their passport countries; 30% spent less than three years there.

While a TCK may know she is a “foreigner” in her host country, she may feel even more “foreign” when visiting her passport country. In both scenarios the TCK is not quite 100% “from” the country in question. In both places the TCK is like a cultural ambassador for the other place.

Individual experiences
Every TCK is different – they have unique life journeys. Not all TCKs feel they are (or are expected to be) ambassadors of the countries to which they are connected. But the common experience of the Third Culture is that a TCK is connected to multiple places; in every TCK there is an aspect of being “in between” these countries. These connections make the TCK’s experience of the world different to that of a monocultural kid (one who spent their entire childhood connected to a single country).

Acceptance of the “in between” experience
There is nothing wrong with being a TCK; in fact, only 2% of the TCKs I surveyed said they would take back their international experience if they could. Connection to multiple places isn’t “bad” – but it is different. This means that there is an unspoken bond between TCKs – they understand, with no explanation needed, what it means to live in between countries.

This brings me to something anyone can do to build deeper friendships with TCKs: accept that a TCK has these additional country connections, even if you don’t fully understand how it works. No matter who you are, there is comfort in being with people who simply believe you, accept you, and desire to better understand you.

Click here to read more posts about Third Culture Kids, transition, and expatriate experiences.

What is a Third Culture Kid?

/ Tanya Crossman / 23 Comments

An updated version of this post has been published on tanyacrossman.com

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“Third Culture Kid” (often abbreviated to TCK) is a term that was first coined by Dr. Ruth Hill Useem while studying children of American families living in India in the 1950s. These children were not Indian, though they lived in India. They were American – though they weren’t experiencing that country. This childhood experience was neither that of an Indian child nor that of an American child. It was somewhere in between – in a Third Culture.

“Third Culture” doesn’t mean a combination of two cultures to form a third. Many TCKs are connected to more than two or three cultures. The three cultures of a TCK are instead three types of cultures. (TCK Consultant Libby Stephens helped clarify my understanding of this – her blog post on this topic is definitely worth a read.)

The first type of culture is the Legal Culture. These are cultures to which a person is legally connected – a passport, or permanent residency. This is a place I have a legal right to be in – I don’t need a visa, or a permit. I have a piece of paper that says I belong.

The second category of cultures are Geographic Cultures. These are cultures a person is connected to geographically – by living there. It is the places where I have physically lived (and emotionally engaged) whether or not I had citizenship. (A person’s legal culture might also be a geographic culture, but not necessarily.)

The Third Culture is a Relational Culture – woven together from overlapping experiences of life lived in between. It embraces people who share a childhood not geographically but experientially. It may be different in nature to legal and geographic cultures, but it is just as much a source of identity.

The Third Culture is not about where you are from, or where you have lived. It is about what you have experienced. There is comfort and understanding in having a shared culture, especially when you feel out-of-step with both your Legal and Geographic cultures.

Growing up in your legal culture means a comprehensive connection – you are legally attached to the place to which you are emotionally attached. Third Culture Kids don’t generally have this comprehensive connection. Instead, it is in the Third Culture they find the comfort and connection of shared experience. For them, the Third Culture is a place of belonging.

The Third Culture is the childhood home of those who did not experience comprehensive connection to a single place as children.

The Third Culture is neither a legal nor a geographic entity – but it is real.

TCKs are people who grew up in this “place” – the Third Culture.

Click here to read more about the Three Culture of a Third Culture Kid in a post I wrote for China Source.