Expat Life

Recommended reading: October 17, 2017

/ Tanya Crossman / 2 Comments

I’ve read some great TCK/expat resources lately, so I decided that after a year of quiet (during which time I’ve been burying myself in studies and unexpected life complications) it was well past time for another “recommended reading” post!

Third Culture Kids: Tips on Belonging & Identity for Expat Children
Sassy Mama – Singapore
This is a helpful little post about a tricky little question – “where are you from?” This is the question that turns an eloquent TCK into an awkward stammerer. But in this post Sarah gives parents tips on helping children prepare to answer with confidence, walking through two different approaches. One particularly good insight: a child may feel most connected to a different country than their sibling or parent – which is not only perfectly okay, it’s totally normal!

From School Abroad to School Back Home
I Am A Triangle
A great little article about the transition to a new school in a new country – when that new place is the one you’re supposed to call “home”. Every school has a different culture, different norms and expectations. The difficulty of the transition for a TCK starting school in their passport country can be minimised or overlooked by teachers and school admin, but this post has great tips for parents seeking to better support their child’s re-entry transition.

Expat child – a gift or a curse?
Expat Child
Obviously I say “gift”, but there are corresponding difficulties connected with expat life that need to be mitigated. This was a great read, discussing the emotional impact of moving abroad and offering solid advice. Corporate families in particular often lack organisational support to guide them in the emotional consequences of an international move.

Why I don’t worry about multilingualism
The Piri-Piri Lexicon
I really appreciated this post, and it’s stress-less approach to developing multilingualism in children. The basic point is that if languages are part of daily life, they’ll be picked up, and if they’re not, it’s not worth the effort to impose them artificially. If multilingualism is important to you, for your family’s identity or any reason, then make it part of your regular life – and relax. A great quote that sums up a great post: “if multilingualism is to truly work, it needs to be natural. You cannot force anything. If you impose a language on your kids for whatever reason, it won’t work (not in the long run anyway). For me, it is just like forcing your child to learn to play the violin when all they want to do is play football. They might do it to please you but they won’t enjoy it and may resent it forever.”

5 Ways to Wellbeing for Expats
Cultural Intelligence Collective
A great little post with five simple things expats can do to increase their emotional wellbeing. Trish cites recent research that shows expats have significantly more struggles with mental health than their home country peers. The little things we do are significant – so this is a great encouragement/reminder.

What being stuck between two cultures can do to a person’s psyche
The Conversation
This post discusses ways those with bi-cultural influences (particularly mentioning immigrant families, but also applying to expats and TCKs) can feel caught between or rejected by the different cultural groups they identify with. A particularly helpful quote: “Research has found that people who have a more fluid sense of self are less likely to feel rejected from their heritage culture, compared to those who have an independent sense of self. This is because they are better able to reconcile both their cultural identities without experiencing conflict.”

Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds – Third Edition
Not a blog post, but if you haven’t already heard – the brand new Third Edition of the classic “Third Culture Kids: Growing up Among Worlds” is now available! I’m delighted to have a copy, though I’ve only skimmed so far. (I’m not letting myself sit down with it until the semester is finished.) But I’m already particularly impressed with wider discussion on Cross Cultural Kids and advice for parenting TCKs.

Initial reflections on FIGT 2017

/ Tanya Crossman / 4 Comments

The Misunderstood blog has been very much on the backburner the last six months. I poured a lot of energy into it around the book’s release, which put me behind in my studies. I’ve been working hard to catch up and keep up – and 2017 has been jam-packed so far!

Attending the Families In Global Transition 2017 conference in The Hague (Netherlands) a few weeks ago reminded me that supporting TCKs and expatriate families is what I really care about, the field I want to work in. So despite the busyness of student life, I’m hoping to get into the expat headspace more often from here on out.

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FIGT 2017 was an amazing three-day experience. It was my first time attending the conference, and I met a lot of incredible people with whom I had inspiring conversations. Some were people I had already “met” online – I had read their books and blogs, they had contributed to Misunderstood, or written reviews of it. I felt very lucky to have the opportunity to turn online connections into Real Life connections.

(I hung out on twitter a lot throughout the conference, reflecting on key moments as they occurred to me and to others in attendance.)

I was stunned to discover that some of the very authors I consider giants in my field (such as Ruth van Reken and Linda Janssen) were actively looking to meet me! One of several surreal moments was being asked to sign a copy of Misunderstood for Valerie Besanceney – an author I greatly respect and whose books I regularly recommend. There were also people at the conference I met for the first time and who turned out to have already bought and read my book, or had been hearing about it and bought a copy while at the conference. It was quite astonishing to me!

Also astonishing – my book selling out! Misunderstood was stocked in the conference bookstore, and the recommendation was to bring up to 10 copies. Those sold out in the first day, so I went through my suitcase and brought along the six copies I had with me – which sold out on the second day.

Beyond the Misunderstood connections, FIGT was a wonderfully enriching experience. I had the privilege of listening to a range of researchers discuss fascinating research they are conducting regarding various issues connected to expatriate life.

I was so encouraged by the work of SPAN to build networks of international schools who actively work to smooth transitions for students as their families move – to create safe passage. (Safe Passage is, not-so-coincidentally, the title of another book I regularly recommend, by another author I was delighted to meet in person – Doug Ota).

I had conversations which strengthened my convictions as to the importance of my work with TCKs and expat families, and conversations with prompted me to think further and in new directions. I listened to thoughtful talks unpacking different aspects of expat life – sometimes affirming things I have experienced and believe, other times challenging me to consider a new point of view.

There were three ideas which impacted me most deeply – which inspired me to think in new or deeper ways. The first was expat empty nesters; the second was dual careers for expat spouses; the third was the experience of being a twenty-something TCK. I’m still processing the things I heard and learned and the new ideas that have sprung from my time at FIGT, but I hope to write a little more about these things as I continue to reflect.

Right now I’m still in Europe, and over the next week I’ll have two opportunities to meet and share with groups of expat parents. I’ll be sharing with them some of what I’ve learned in 12 years spent working with TCKs, some stats and stories from Misunderstood, and taking time to listen to their stories and talk through their questions. I am really looking forward to both times.

After that I’ll be headed back to Sydney – and a pile of study to catch up on! But hopefully I won’t be quite so silent here anymore.

An international Olympic experience

/ Tanya Crossman / 1 Comment

Eight years ago I was living just outside Beijing during the 2008 Olympics. I went into the city at least once a week so I had the fun experience of crossing checkpoints and showing my passport every single time I made the 1+ hour trip. Despite this, I loved being there during the Games, especially attending several Paralympic events. But the best part was the international atmosphere.

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Beijing 2008 – Olympic track and field in the “Bird’s Nest” stadium, and cheering for Australia in the Wheelchair Rugby

I had many friends from different countries and the Olympics was such a fun time to celebrate our different cultural identities and heritages together! I watched the opening ceremony on a big projector screen with probably a hundred other expats, about a 15 minute drive from the huge stadium itself. When things were slow we took turns singing our national anthems – so many interesting songs I’d never heard before! And strangely enough, one of the most exciting parts of the night was watching the teams march into the stadium. Most countries got a cheer, because there would be someone from that country or who had lived in that country or who had a close friend or family member from there or living there. It was a tangible display of the global interconnectedness we experienced as an expat community.

I know a lot of TCKs who love the Olympics because it is a chance to celebrate all the countries to which they feel an affinity. The countries they have lived in, the countries they have visited, the countries of which they are citizens and the countries their friends and loved ones are connected to. It is particularly special when countries which are smaller and generally rate less of a mention in international media get their moment in the spotlight.

I see the team from Guyana and think “I have friends from there!”
I see the team from Laos and think “my friend lives there!”
I see the team from Liberia and think “my friend grew up there!”
I see the team from Vanuatu and I think “I’ve spent time there!”

The beauty of the Third Culture is that it is made up of people from many different countries, cultures, languages, and backgrounds. The Olympics is a rare time when TCKs see something that looks like their world right there on the TV. Not only that, but it is seen and recognised by many people around them.

At its best (when we put corruption, organisational failures and our own cynicism aside) the Olympics brings together people from many countries and honours them all. For a few weeks every four years, the people of the Third Culture get to share their multi-country connections and celebrate people from different countries.

I hope you are enjoying the Olympics, no matter where you are, and no matter what team(s) you are cheering for!

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