Welcome to another week of Recommended Reading! I’m starting this week with two posts written about Military Kids, one sub-type of TCKs and CCKs. I’d thought about saving them to go toward a military-themed edition of Recommended Reading but then I reconsidered. These are quality posts with excellent points that apply to lots of expatriate families.
Military Kids Face Unique Challenges to Their Mental Health
In this post, the grown up military kid author looks at research into mental health outcomes for military kids and possible supports to improve this. I love this quote particularly. It explains exactly what I try to communicate – there is so much good that comes from an international childhood, but there are difficulties and needs that also need attention.
“Military kids are frequently praised for their resilience, and rightfully so. But for many, the path to building that resilience is paved with anxiety, feelings of abandonment, and depression. Just as their strengths are celebrated, their needs deserve serious, resourceful attention…I don’t regret a second of my military childhood. The more we can understand the impact a military lifestyle can have on adolescents, however, the more I, and maybe other military brats — the ones who are foreigners in their hometowns and don’t know a single person from their childhood — can make a little more sense of our lives beyond the military.”
3 Reasons Your Military Kids Don’t Need Roots…and Why They’re Better Off
This piece acknowledges that a childhood with lots of transition does mean kids miss out on developing deep roots, with stability and continuity. But, the author suggests, they are learning different skills. There are some really good points here about different positives that can come from an international childhood. As long as articles like this are read alongside those like the one above – that we balance seeing the positives and also supporting the difficulties.
“Often, as military parents, we worry about what we are not providing our kids: stability, continuity and those thick, long roots. We worry about how the military lifestyle is affecting our kids now, in the present: are they scared? Nervous? Shy? Sad? Lost? Lonely? Anxious? How is deployment affecting them? Is it interfering with their learning, their happiness, their ability to socialize? But then I thought of what we are giving them, and deep down I believe it has the power to prepare them for the long-term in a truly awesome way.”
Transitioning Well As a Family When Moving
Great post with simple and practical suggestions to help families deal with transition. Even better – each tip comes with a practical way to implement the idea!
“It took us a few tries and lots of practice, but our family discovered several keys to making transition calmer, more manageable, and even…enjoyable. Yes, enjoyable. We have some great family memories from times of transition. (We’re a little crazy like that.) So now we’ve become routine-loving homebodies who also enjoy moving and change and new places. . .You may not become a change junkie overnight, that doesn’t mean you can’t embrace transition when it comes. And your attitude will set the example for everyone else.”
Building resilience in children
Some simple tips for building resilience in TCKs. This is from a missionary perspective but, as with the military posts above, has helpful information for all kinds of expat families. A lot of what I commonly teach in seminars is summarised here – the need to learn that failure is part of the process, the importance of learning to grieve losses well, and modelling this for them with emotional vocabulary. (Even quotes Julia Simens – who I regularly reference!)
“Children are not naturally resilient, but parents can teach them the skills so that they can learn how to be resilient. Such skills include things like making friends, having faith, building relationships, and letting failure be okay. As parents of TCKs, we can also teach them an emotional vocabulary that leads to emotional literacy, which will help them to process the large amount of loss that is part of the TCK’s life. This process helps build resiliency in our children and prepares them to lead successful lives.”
Peeling Pomegranates in Rania
Communicating Across Boundaries
Yet another lovely reflection from Marilyn as she transitions to a new life on another continent. What I love about this particular piece is how a simple task connected her TCK past to her current life.
“Most TCKs acquire skills that are useful in their childhood but often end up as hidden parts of their lives when they are older and living in their passport countries. Suddenly this ability to peel pomegranates feels important. Growing up in Pakistan and acquiring the skills that were not needed in the U.S. has uniquely prepared me for living here.”
Learning to Be an Acceptable Outsider
This is a short but challenging piece about what it means to be a “foreigner” – to be seen as an outsider, and know that you will never be considered a local. This can be annoying, and even painful. The suggestion this article makes – become an “acceptable outsider”. This advice comes with a list of questions to consider – what does this look like, and how can I do this.
“In order to be an acceptable outsider, we must have access to the world of the insiders…we must be willing to submit to insiders and their ways…we must be willing to change.”
Why being a career expat is a huge leap of faith
The Piri-Piri Lexicon
One thing I tried hard to do in Misunderstood was capture the wide range of expatriate experiences, and therefore the wide range of ways a TCK might grow up. Not all expat families move frequently, and not all have financially generous ‘expat packages’. This post talks about this other experience – the “career expat”, a family who move abroad independently, without the financial and logistical support others receive. There are some interesting points about what this means for a family. Well worth a read!
“Many expats have a home country and/or a company as a safety net. Being a career expat family is a leap of faith without that safety net. Maybe being a career expat is not for people with a plan B.”
The Expatriate Mothers’ Network
While this post is about a particular experience in a particular country, there is also something more universal about it. The suprise at how deep expatriate relationships can go. The importance of having that support when you are so far away from your original networks. Having people who understand – something we all need.
“I never thought that moving abroad would result in gaining more friends than I had before I left. I thought my journey as an expat would be lonely and that I would struggle to find like-minded people. Instead, I have met many soul mates and genuine connections from various backgrounds and cultures. When I became an expat, I became a part of a dynamic network that would grow even stronger and larger when I had a baby.“